Monkey Love
by SnowShadowuser
Summary: [ONE SHOT] Inuyasha's a two timer and Miroku has SERIOUS long term relationship issues. Not that the girls can do anything about it. So, with no alternatives, Shippou decides to play Cupid… [Rated for flaming underwears.]


_In Snowgirl's basement we see a tall figure lounging about in front of the TV, blowing bubbles out of a toy pipe and wearing a hat that resembles what Sherlock would wear. He's muttering to himself while rubbing his chin with his free hand._

_"Jakotsu thinks he's all that… yeah, well I'm fabulous WITHOUT any help from that Pantene proV shampoo, thank-you-very-much…"_

_Beside him sitting on a miniature stool is a fox boy, currently trying to wrestle out of a rope binding him to his seat. He whimpers and starts to squeal in horror._

_"Miroku, turn it off!"_

_The man turns to the boy, miffed being pulled out of his sulking time. "What?"_

_"Turn it off! Switch the channel! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY TURN IT OFF! Oh the humanity…" Shippou shrieks uncontrollably._

_He turns his rattail head and watches the travel channel. "Oh Shippou, it's just the seasonal fox hunt! It's been a traditional sport for years!"_

_The boy gags and starts calling out 'Mommy!' and blabbering in incoherent Japanese._

_"What is that? Chinese?" Miroku turns and realizes what he's supposed to do. "Oh! Right, right! We're here for the disclaimers!" The human stands up and do what looks to be his version of the Superman stance. "The lovely, and often suicidal, Snowgirl hereby declares that even though she does not currently own Inuyasha, her devious little monkey helpers will indeed 'convince' Rumiko Takashi to sign the lease!"_

_Shippou stops his fidgeting and stares at his companion. "Dude, pull up your pants!"_

_Miroku stands firmly and proudly. "Nonsense! My trunks shall accompany me to the swimming hole during this coffee break!" He then disappears from sight and leaves his pants behind. A leaf is seen falling from the tiny sonic boom Miroku created when he left._

_Shippou gazes to where Miroku had once stood, looking as windblown as if he'd been passed by a train. "…wait," The boy blinks. "He gets a coffee break?"_

_-_

**Monkey Love**

**One-Shot**

-

It just didn't make sense to him. When people liked each other it was obvious; they'd blush and turn away at the first sound of an awkward pause. Yet, for some reason, their uncanny actions were completely oblivious to one another…

Why?

He didn't understand the workings of their evident affections, and he sure didn't fathom just how one could be THAT dense to the other's signals. Whenever they blushed, it was shown. Whenever they fell in a pregnant pause, it was revealed. It danced in front of their eyes, mocking them, flashing its full moon with its pasty posterior.

So why?

WHY?

Oh sure, give wistful excuses to the indecisive Hanyou with his two close-to-but-still-off-the-bull's-eye-identical lovers and his eternally tragic past. And yes, you should mindlessly agree with a Bouzu's reasons about being sucked into his wind tunnel before he could possibly even **begin** thinking of legitimately marrying a woman. No, give them a break from their loves and let them run around with uber powerful weapons that in no way does it hint that they're making up for what they may not have.

Shippou was scowling alright.

Perhaps he did know a few things children, demonic or not, shouldn't know until they were slightly older or wiser. The Kogitsune pulled the raspberry lollypop out of his mouth and puckered his lips. Everyday it was the same thing.

Enter new village.

Realize they're pretty much broke.

Claim they're the Demon-Busters and/or yell out, "There's a demon among us!"

Hope the owner of the lodging isn't young and/or smart.

Finally relax and find lovely eye-candies… normally done by Miroku of course.

Mix in some unforeseen dramas or actions in said daily schedule, and you had yourself the gang's consistent, run of the mill timetable.

The child watches the human kids run on the dirt path alongside the woods he's resting in. Ah… to be young again. Where had his youth gone off to? Now here he was, woe him, a decrepit fox in his near-pubescent years currently reminiscing on his good old days; thinking of the times when his parents held a loving and UNRESTRAINED relationship, where the warmth between the pair glowed of a comfort practically unspeakable in front of that Hanyou and Priest.

Shippou sucked on his lollypop, only to realize that the hard exterior had already melted off and he had been chewing on a gooey substance for the past few seconds.

"EWW!" The kit chokes and spits out the offending thing out of his mouth, the brown center and the white stick that held it falling down from the branch he was sitting on. What had Kagome given him? What was such a revolting thing doing in his beloved lollypop?

He had to inform of his benefactor, and _quickly_ to boot!

Shippou stands up on his (literally) foxy legs and, for a moment, poses with tiny hands on his equally petite hips and sticks his tail out. His face is contorted into seriousness that can only be distinguished as genuine nobility.

"Up, up, and AWAY!" Shippou screeched and jumped high into the air, spreading his arms and legs out like a flying squirrel during a mating season–

And he will soon live to regret it, because he forgot one little teensy-weensy problem that could be his absolute downfall in this quest.

There was a pond. A quite a shallow pond, if you don't mind me saying so.

Just as Shippou felt his world pass before his very eyes, he heard a group of children gasp and presumably point to him, saying, "Look, it's a MONKEY!"

"I AM NOT A MON–"

He fell headfirst into the waterhole and his noggin came in contact with a dull, round, but still conveniently firm rock that knocked the common sense out of his skull. Oh look, preeeeetty stars…

Shippou saw the summer sun shine brightly above the surface of the blue pond, and his eyes began to droop oh so heavily. Voices of yesteryear…err, voices of _seconds ago _rewound and fast forwarded in his brain.

**"Look, it's a MONKEY!"**

**_L is for my special Lover… _****'Where'd that come from?'**

**"There's a demon among us!"**

**_O is for that Only One… _****'Huh? This is getting cheesy.'**

**"Up, up, and AWAY!"**

**_V is for our Very devoted passion… _****'…'**

**"I AM NOT A MON–"**

**_Y is for the Years we will spend in each other's embrace… _****'Aw…wait, isn't it supposed to be E?'**

As Shippou's mind drifted into the black void, still wondering why the 'E' was replaced by a 'Y' in his own inner thoughts, consciousness was lost. Well, at this point consciousness didn't exactly matter if he was going to drown in a freakin' puddle. Now we shall wonder what will become of this young fox, and predict who will eventually come to this poor soul's rescue.

-

-

-

"Inuyasha?"

"What Kagome?"

"Do you think we should check on Shippou?"

"We should be more worried about finding that Bouzu and Sango. Leave the midget to play."

And so Kagome followed Inuyasha down the lively streets.

Stupid Inuyasha…

-

-

-

Luckily, Shippou did not drown. He was so unnaturally buoyant that he had somehow turned over in his sleep to face the sky, his face and stomach free for the air to tickle and soothe as much as it wanted. After a couple of kids poked his corpse-like body with a stick, and after a school of minnows pulled away at his furry vest, not to mention the flock of ducks that came down to peck at his puffy cheeks…umm… after all that and even more, Shippou finally stirred out of la-la land.

But by then, the Shippou we grew to love (and maybe hate) was no more. For there floated a pee-wee champion, ready to capture and throttle all such problems he faced in this pathetic and punier world. We also notice how the word 'punier' added a ring to his adorably bitsy dialogue, once short and sweet but never memorable in any which way. He had, indeed, changed!

As he lifted his head, rather freakishly so, his eyes glowed with a new light that could match the steel gaze of one known as Sesshoumaru. Shippou's lips curved up and one of his fangs poked out from between his lips.

He was no longer a boy anymore.

He was, in his 'right' mind, not even a fox anymore.

"Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!" The fox– … – creature cackled, frightening away a couple of cats and dogs that had been sniffing at the sponge– … – ribbon sitting on the demon's head. "I am the great! I am the all POWERFUL! Fear me for my name shall rock the foundation of this pitiful society!"

The creature suddenly sinks to the shallow bottom of the pond and isn't heard for a couple of seconds. Then we see bubbles forming a line from the center of the water to the edge. The still-diminutive demon lunges from the water's edge and hops onto the dirt, promptly scaring away a mother and a daughter from 'the wet rat,' or so they cried.

"I am," Shippou growled out in one massive surge of power-up. "The MONKEY!"

…

…

…well, we figured he might've changed, but it's not like he was going to be anymore creative than before…

…

…

-

-

-

"Houshi-sama?"

"Yes Sango?"

"Do you feel like…like we're being watched?"

"Now, now Sango, if you want to have a private get together later just say so, OK?"

And so Sango exhaustingly sighed and ignored whatever was bothering her.

Stupid Miroku…

-

-

-

**Analyzing…**

**Miroku.**

**Corrupt Houshi. WARNING! Lecherous, devious, lewd, yet contrastingly spiritual. Must be further examined.**

The mysterious yet so very conspicuous pair of green eyes followed as the two lost companions traveled down the streets. This place was terribly wrong! Elders telling tales to the interested children sitting in the benches, the rowdier ones causing such devilish antics as to bring the attention of the store manager. Parents were laughing and the kiddies were playing.

No, no, no, no, no.

It had to be visually romantic… captivating yet not enough so the two could do nothing but longingly and lavishly focus their attentions on their respective partner. He looked back down at the two and saw Sango standing a few feet away from the Priest, the man apparently flirting with not one, not two, but three girls at the same time! His destined to be was doing nothing but shaking her head in dismay, all for giving up on this hopeless man she had fallen for.

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

Sango shrieked when something popped beside her left foot. Miroku looked up and saw nothing out of the ordinary except a confused Taijiya, so went back to using his sly tongue on the blushing girls.

Shippou smirked. Each 'Pop!' would bring the girl closer to that unholy man, no matter if she resisted or not. He pulled out another firecracker and flicked his index finger, a fireball appearing on the string and crackling like it had always been there. He threw the object and ducked behind the roof, giggling as to what he was about to hear next.

"Whoa!" Sango jumped up again, another 'Pop!' causing a small explosion by her feet. "What the heck was that?"

Miroku stared at his amigo and frowned, definitely noticing that something was up. Not that he would let the three girls go. "Anything the matter there?"

"No…no, I don't – OH LORD!"

Shippou watched as Sango just about flew into Miroku's arms, pushing away the three others as dozens of firecrackers flew at them. Imagine the villagers' shock when they saw four girls and a Priest doing something like the remix version of an Irish step-dancing in the middle of the street.

"Dance you fools, dance!" Shippou encouraged and did a jig himself, flinging a pile of sparklers (given months ago by Kagome) after he accomplished the moonwalk and a way too complicated head-spin in street style, yo. Was he trying to be a poser? Well, he already thought he was a monkey…

Then we come to our own realization that Shippou is wearing a really bad Batman-wannabe costume. It was all dark colors, but his purple tights made it less… gloomy. His mask was simply two circular fabric strung together and tied to his head, eye holes cut out a little awkwardly that he was somewhat blind in his left eye and off center on his right.

Stylish, yes?

"I am the vigilante of love, the protector of all things obvious, and I shall bring about all things relating to newfound love – this love I have deemed worthy to carry the title…the title of MONKEY LOVE!"

Sango, still doing her step-dancing, spoke. "Houshi-sama! Did you just hear someone say Monkey Love?"

Miroku, not so well with the dancing, coughed and tried to see through the massive dirt cloud that was beginning to form around them. "Now, now Sango, if you're suggesting anything mildly hot… or sweaty… I can do just that later! Right now, I'm more focused on my feet getting – YOWZAH!"

One of the particularly large Roman candles fell right on Miroku's toes and suddenly burst into flames.

"MY FOOT! OH IT BURNS!"

_"Houshi-sama!"_

Sango instinctively stepped on his burning toes, stomping on it over and over again, all in good intentions of trying to stop the flames from consuming his entire foot. However, when someone is trying to dance away from a handful of firecrackers exploding at their feet AND trying to step on a fiery feet, they tend to get… how do you stay… a little clumsy? Hmm, hmm, hmm?

With a push and help from the last of Shippou's firecrackers, Sango toppled over and fell on Miroku, who was already slipping due to the massive boo-boo on his burnt appendage. As the couple FELL FOR EACH OTHER they realized then and there that everyone had gone inside in fear or ran away screaming 'exploding rains!' until they made it home.

Their feet caked with dirt and splattered with the outer layers of the sparklers and such, they were awkwardly left staring into each other's eyes.

This was The Great Shippou's chance… and yes, he had added a 'Great' to his name in the midst of all this.

Miroku was too paralyzed with pain and writhing underneath Sango with as much vulnerability as a puppy. He wouldn't be moving his horny little hands anytime soon. Better yet, Sango was on top of him. Now for just a little bit more urging and presto!

Shippou hopped out of his hiding spot, did a weird body workout pose, and jumped off of the roof with as much grace as a cow falling out of a tornado. At least it wasn't like that flying squirrel leap…

With his pink cape, yes pink, fluttering menacingly in the nonexistent wind, his tiny body landed right on top of Sango's head. And it wasn't a dive mind you; it was a full on splat-like-a-pancake sort of landing, where he was hugging Sango's head like a baby suckling its mommy's… hooters.

And with that kind of momentum – and with that kind of fashionable force – Sango's face fell right on Miroku's without any real intention of doing so. Now all you little ones at home may decide on whether Miroku and Sango had their first kiss or not, but if you count what Shippou saw as he dashed away from the scene a good ending, then fine by me.

Because, when Shippou looked back from his quick and brash escape, he saw Sango holding freshly bruised lips and swirling eyes, identical to that of Miroku's expression below the female's right cheek now resting on his nose.

**"SUCCESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"**

-

-

-

**Analyzing…**

**Inuyasha.**

**Two-timer. WARNING! The quintessence of brute force. Has already shared fluffy moments with both partners. Must be further examined…**

Inuyasha was a tough cookie to break.

It was nighttime now, and Shippou was now outfitted in a classis Ninja costume, sporting a toy sword behind his back and a tail that had been painted black to match the night. Only his eyes could be seen through the black pillow cover he had retrieved from Kagome's bag, earlier in the year. The moon was bright but the stars were in his favor.

Since the events that took place earlier today, Miroku and Sango had decided it was a good idea to sleep as far apart as possible. And they meant FAR. Kagome accompanied the dazed girl to the corner of the right wing hallways, while Inuyasha unwillingly agreed to accompany Miroku to the corner of the left wing.

Soon, the sun had set and the couples were fast asleep.

Ninja time, baby!

Shippou skittered like a cat burglar on the roof, hopping forward and searched the premises for anyone suspicious every now and then. Suspicious? Shippou really had issues didn't he?

Inuyasha had keen sense of smell and hearing, and Shippou didn't want to risk the chance of getting caught if he wanted to attempt what he had planned earlier that evening. Oh well… he'll just have to find a right timing.

Like a cat with a terrible limp, Shippou crept to the point of the roof he knew would be right above Kagome and Sango's room. He checked once more for questioning characters on the grounds, and then got on with his plan.

He tied a rope to a tile of the ceiling, tied the other end around his waist, and then promptly jumped off without further ado. He was definitely out of his mind now, seeing as he had done a flying squirrel-jump and a dying cow-jump all in one day, yet decides to go a stealthy and slinky way with his cool Ninja rope trick in the middle of the night. Hmm.

But he overestimated the usefulness of the rope. He was soon found dangling in front of the screen door, just inches away from actually touching the surface of it.

"Oh dang it," He grumbled and tried to wiggle out of the binding rope. "Screw the Ninjas!"

That must've been a jinx, because he did succeed in getting out of his rope… at a price.

"Free!" He yelled and fell sharply through the screen doors and felt the wooden standings pull at his costume. The next thing he knew, he was in his birthday suit and in a very uncomfortable situation with the two girls in front of him.

Of course, he was a child with no guilt of flashing his full moon and the two girls inside the room were still asleep, so all was good.

Still naked as ever, Shippou tiptoed to the treasure chest that was sitting ever so lustfully by the corner of the room. As he passed Kagome, Kirara and Sango (who was muttering something about 'the firecrackers made me do it, daddy'), we see what Shippou has been aiming for this whole time.

Jackpot.

Shippou just about pounced on the yellow backpack, forgetting his dirty little stealthy mission and his dirty little… nakedness. He clawed inside until he came upon the most perfect flammable object he could find. It looked like a hat especially made for Inuyasha – that was his other plan put in store later tonight – but it was much too frilly for his liking. Poor Kagome – she had so many of it… she must've been making all this for Inuyasha to wear. Well they'd be used in good effect tonight, my dear Kagome.

**All your hard work will pay off tonight.**

-

-

-

The girls woke up to the sound of screaming. They would've woken up anyway, because it was getting a little toasty inside the cozy room, so the two decided to take a breather and open the screen door.

The first thing they noticed was how many things lay askew on the floor. Shirts, hairbrushes, socks, tampons… you know; the usual from Kagome's luggage. So when they picked all that up, they headed outside – only to realize that there was a large hole with a black pillow cover sticking through their door. It was hard to open with all the splinters sticking out and clinging to the edges, but with one fair shove, the door opened to reveal to them the outside world.

And oh what a sight it was.

Kagome and Sango gawked as they witnessed the scene dancing in their faces. A couple of guests also staying at the inn stood in front of their rooms, all eyes staring at the flaming words engraved on the graveled backyard, right in front of Kagome and Sango's room.

_KAGOME–_

_I LOVE YOU!_

_–INUYASHA_

But that wasn't what really caught Kagome's attention. It was what the flames were burning to make such romantic words. All 54 of those burning garments were her panties. That's right – right from the page of Victoria's Secret catalogue. All 54 were hers. Her PANTIES. Clear enough? OK then.

So imagine her reaction when Inuyasha and Miroku bounded down the hallways, both of them expecting some atrocious creature, a horrible demon, or at least some kind of a beast with a tangible form. No.

They met with the words. The words declaring Inuyasha's undying love for Kagome. All lit and bright and burning.

Burning. Yes, her 54 panties were burning with Inuyasha's love.

"Inuyasha," Kagome said. But she couldn't continue. Her throat closed up and she felt like she was choking. Embarrassing? Heck YEAH! But romantic? …in a disturbingly maniacal fashion, yes.

"I…" Inuyasha couldn't speak. He was absolutely stunned. Speechless. Shocked. Etc. "I didn't… this isn't… I wouldn't…"

Miroku stared at the pair. And stared at the message.

Sango stared at the couple. And stared at the words.

"I didn't…" Inuyasha stuttered again for the umpteenth time. "I would never… maybe I would… I mean, I wouldn't mind… but I still didn't…"

Kagome was disgusted. Or extremely overjoyed. Yet she was still disturbed on so many levels. But she was ecstatic.

"I wouldn't do something… something so," Inuyasha searched for the words, red as a tomato and loosing air as he spoke. "Something so… so erotic – I MEAN ERRATIC! I meant erratic!"

And that was when Shippou took that chance. The chance to complete his masterpiece he had been working on for less than 24 hrs. He swung from a short rope, STILL naked as ever, and held a white, fluffy object in his outstretched hand.

"INUYASHA! Never deny your love with this on your head!"

With one move of his arm and it was done. Everything was finished.

"MY GREATEST CREATION IS COMPLETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Shippou cackled like a drunken witch, swinging away like the evil green winged-monkey he truly was… of course, since the rope was so short–

**BONK**

Shippou crashed face first into a wooden beam and immediately dropped to unconsciousness on the wooden floorboards, right in front of little Kirara's paws, who slowly and smartly backed away from all this.

No one paid attention to this however, as the 'hat' sitting on Inuyasha's head was none other than Kagome's 55th panty. Where the legs should be sticking out, Inuyasha's dog ears stood.

…well, that explained where Kagome's last panty had wandered off to.

Inuyasha stood there, completely void of all expression as his face looked like it had fallen off a long time ago. Kagome's face was the same – it was probably the best poker face ever to walk the Earth. The burning message lit the darkness, the throbbing lips on Miroku and Sango's mouth held the memories of the day, and Shippou's naked body served as a reminder to them all.

A reminder that even little people can make a difference. A whole lot of ass-kicking, earth-cracking, awkward-banging differences.

To this day, it is said that Miroku and Sango's lips hold just a hint of redness from that very event. Inuyasha's head never smelled the same anymore, and Kagome forbid herself from wearing all article of clothing that would ever show up on any sexy magazines.

What happened to Shippou, you ask?

He claimed he had a really bad hangover the next day, and could not remember any of it at all. Kirara was probably the only member of the group not scarred by this one day of sheer insanity.

So, no matter who asked them, no matter how much of a good mood they were in, they had silently vowed never EVER to speak of this situation to anyone.

NEVER.

EVER.

-

**THE END**

-

-

-

_Miroku sits there, dripping wet from his break in the swimming hole. Nonetheless, he is stunned._

_Shippou frowns. "That's weird… I don't remember any of that ever happening to us–"_

_"SILENCE!" Miroku roars and lets the echo deafen the poor fox. "This cannot be happening. The world wasn't meant to know this! I was meant to be the debonair one with our first intimate touch! This wasn't meant to be! NOOOOOOOOOO!" He suddenly turns and yells, falling to his knees in despair and shaking his wet head in a dramatic conclusion, droplets flying into the air with his cry. "SAY IT ISN'T SO, SANGO! SAY IT ISN'T SO!"_

_Meanwhile, Shippou is wondering what would've happened if Kagura or Ayame had been in that situation with The Great Monkey…_

_…_

_Dun, dun, DUN!_

-


End file.
